The Carpe Diem Letters
by AULOVE
Summary: Growing Back together New Years fic Written for Secret Snowflake: Carpe Diem was Peeta's anthem as he tried found a way to get Katniss to speak to him after the war: It was a joke that the great huntress, survivor of two Games and symbol of the rebellion was afraid of a note. Katniss swallowed several times. Then with a burst of energy she ran to the kitchen, picked up the note


AN: Growing Back Together New Years Drabble Written for My Secret Snowflake :  
(written notes to and from Katniss and Peeta are Italicized)

HAPPY NEW YEARS to all of my followers, I hope you enjoy this drabble!

PS I do not own the wonder full books the Hunger Games

* * *

PART ONE

 **"Make your choice, adventurous Stranger; Strike the bell and bide the danger, Or wonder, til it drives you mad, What would have followed if you had."** Peeta re-read these lines over and over again. In the silence of his home, he closed the book written by CS Lewis. These words resonated with him. It reminded him of the Capitol saying 'Carpe Diem' which meant 'Seize the Day.' For months since he came back (Katniss and Peeta) were sharing meals but did not speak. Peeta wanted to hear her voice, she was still mute. He was ready to make a choice and seize his moment.

Peeta walked across the yard, his breath coming out in slow, billowy puffs. It was dinner time. He walked into the house and Katniss was already sitting at the table. He noted the way her eyes lit up at the sight of him. She opened her mouth but nothing came out. Peeta anxiously recalled the quote from the 'Magician's Nephew.' He waited until the end of the meal. When she stood to clean her plate, Peeta left the small note and returned home.

Katniss turned around to say his name but she could not. Not just because she could not make noise but also because Peeta had left. Angrily she walked over to the table to grab his empty used plate. Then she saw it the scrap of paper neatly folded underneath. She looked around as if someone was watching her. She touched where he had written her name in neat, precise pencil strokes.

Her heart beat so quickly, she was afraid it was going to blow up in her chest. Katniss swallowed as tears rushed to spill from her silvery eyes. Carefully she unfolded the paper. However, before she could read what was written she put it down and jumped backwards. The note fell silently to the ground, she walked away, afraid of what it contained.

Four hours she sat on a chair just staring at the note. It was a joke that the great huntress, survivor of two Games and symbol of the rebellion was afraid of a note. Katniss swallowed several times. Then with a burst of energy she ran to the kitchen, picked up the note and forced herself to read it.

 _"Katniss, Real or Not Real, I once made you cheese buns when you hurt your leg?"_

Katniss swallowed and read it again. At first she was mad that he would ask such a silly question. Then she chastised herself, Peeta was only trying to recall the past. Katniss debated whether she should write to him. After some deliberating if she should write back, she decided she owed it to him, to at least answer him.

PART TWO

The next morning Peeta nervously walked to her house. The words written by CS Lewis were causing him heartache. He did it because he had so many questions. Katniss was the only door to his past. Upon entering the house, Katniss sat cooly moving her food around on her plate. She sat with one leg folded underneath, her other leg swinging back and forth. She was so nonchalant, it bothered him. Peeta thoughts turned dark, until he saw the folded paper on his chair with his name on it.

As soon as Peeta sat down the paper felt as if it burned through his pant leg. It was hard to eat. He pushed the eggs aside and nibbled on his bacon. As soon as Katniss stood his fingers plucked the paper from underneath the chair, and stuffed it in his pocket. Peeta waited patiently, giving Buttercup his leftovers. Then he nodded and calmly left her house toward his. As he crossed the yard he wanted to run, but he forced himself to walk.

As soon as he arrived, Peeta immediately locked the door behind him. He could not believe she wrote him back. He had hoped she would but feared she could not reply. Peeta sat down in his chair in front of the fire. With shaking hands he withdrew the letter from his pocket. Almost immediately it began, the voices, the fear.

Dread engulfed him as he thought of what if scenarios. What if she rejected him? What if she did not care? Those "what if" questions nearly pushed him over the edge, Peeta began to mutter. "My name is Peeta Mellark. I am eighteen years old. I survived the Games. My home is District Twelve. Katniss Everdeen is not a Mutt. She is my friend and neighbor."

Slowly he calmed down until he heard the silence of his home. The light filtering through the window highlighted the folded piece of paper held he in his hand. Peeta's vision cleared and he could see where Katniss, with plain script had written his name. This small thing caused Peeta's heart to wobble slightly and gave him renewed hope.

His fingers traced each letter. Instinctively he wanted to tear open the letter. But like a child who valued their presents at Christmas he opened it slowly. He breathed in deeply as he held up the letter to read her words. It struck him. These were her words, to him. He wondered if they had ever done this. He searched his limited memory but could not recall. However they had this now and he could ask.

Bravely he began to read.

 _"Peeta,"_ The letter began. Peeta was happy that she wrote his name, it was a good way for the letter to begin. He told himself that at least she did not call him a mutt. Settling back in his chair, Peeta wanted to be comfortable. He desired to savor each word. He needed to hear her voice, even if it was written by pencil.

 _"Thank you for the question. Real, you made me cheese buns. You actually made them especially for me. I hurt my ankle jumping down a limb that hung over the fence. That night, you protected me and my family from the Peacekeepers. You came over every day just to be with me and we began to work on my father's plant book. Cheese buns are still my favorite things that you make. Maybe you can make some for lunch?"_

Peeta smiled and promised himself to make the cheese buns. He was surprised she had written so much. It brought back that moment in time. Now that the door was opened he did not want to stop. He wondered what else he could ask her. Then he got a vision of her staring at him. It wouldn't leave him. Getting up he needed to ask her the question but he needed to make sure it was worded perfectly.

PART THREE

Katniss was nervous. Peeta did not come for lunch. Nor did he come for the next few days. Katniss wanted to walk across the road and look for him. But then what would that accomplish if she had no words? Words did not come out of her mouth. Tears clouded her eyes as she once more prepared breakfast for them both.

The sight of the food did not increase her appetite. Like the past few mornings, she set his plate, made eggs, fried bacon and the fresh game he loved so much. She made fresh orange juice and hot coco because they were his favorites. Since the harvest was upon them, she decorated the table with apples and harvested fruit of the earth. All to appease his artistic eye, Peeta always did have an eye for beauty. But none of this mattered until he came.

Nothing would be right until she saw him. She wiped her hands against her cheeks. At night she could not sleep. Her nightmares were vivid and centered on him dying. She dreamed of mutts getting to him in the sewers or at the Cornucopia. His heart never restarting in the arena was a particular petrifying one. She woke up screaming for him, night after night.

This morning, Katniss needed Peeta. She needed to feel him, see that he was alive and not a figment of her imagination. She was resolved to go to him if he did not come for breakfast. Even if he rejected her, Katniss wanted to see her Boy with the Bread. Just as she was going to give in to crying the back door opened. Peeta came inside. For Katniss it was as if the sunshine she was missing showed up.

PART FOUR

Peeta brought the cheese buns. It took him days to come up with the perfect way to ask her about his vision. He placed the folded piece of paper at bottom of the plate. When he looked at her she stopped working and simply stared. If it wasn't for the starved, relieved, wide-eyed, ardent look she gave him, Peeta would have thought something was wrong with him. For a time they just stood in their respective corners gazing at each other, soaking in the sight of each other.

Peeta stood trapped by the look in her silver eyes. One moment she was staring at him the next, she walked to him and hugged him. Her embrace was strong, and Peeta wound his arms around her. They stood embracing each other simply feeding off each other. Katniss was hungry but not for food, she needed him Peeta her dandelion.

Stepping back, Katniss returned to the stove, shut it off and decisively took his hand, tugged him forward. She was not going to let him out of her sight. Katniss pushed him gently on her couch where she slept. She kneeled before him taking off his shoes then gently removed his leg before settling into the crook of his body where she belonged.

Peeta tried to speak but she shook her head and put her finger to his lips. Sighing she brought the throw over them. She needed him, needed this more than food. Peeta did not think it was a good idea, nor did he think they would be able to fall asleep. He was wrong on both accounts. Almost instantly, they fell asleep.

PART FIVE

They slept through the day until the sun began to dip into the sky. Katniss woke up feeling refreshed but still sleepy. She did not want to move, she missed his arms so very much. She felt safe and she had not felt this way in a long time. Hungry she reluctantly she got up and walked over to the plate full of cheese buns. As she reached for one she noted the piece of paper sticking out of it.

Katniss sat down heavily in the chair. He had written back. Gently, she pulled out the letter without disturbing the neat pile of cheese buns. His handwriting was clean and precise and it made her heart flutter. The note was simple. _"Thank you for helping me Katniss. I remembered something else. Real or not real, you were staring at me that day?"_

Katniss turned red. She did not know what to do. She was indeed staring at him on that day. He caught her checking him out. It was not something she did. But Peeta was no ordinary boy. He was her 'boy with the bread.' A noise in the kitchen caught her attention. There he stood, with his tousled hair a soft smile playing on his lips.

Katniss hid the note behind her nervously. It was one thing to read and write to him in private. It was another to see him as she read or wrote back to him. Her hands shook from the nerves. Katniss bit her lips. She wanted to speak but couldn't. Ever since he returned, she had not been able to speak. She watched as he walked over to her and gently tugged her by the hand.

They walked toward the sofa. Together they sat down next to each other. Peeta some how found a pad and pen. And held them in his hands. Katniss watched him scribble something on the paper. Her eyes were wide as she watched him hand the note pad to her. The yellow legal pad had her name written beautifully on the top. Katniss read.

 _"In the Capitol they say 'Carpe Diem' which I found out means 'Seize the Day'. I have missed you Katniss and there is so much I want to ask. 'Seize the day Katniss'. Tonight, in a matter of an hour, the old year will end and the new one will begin. Will you allow this, to happen, will you answer my questions?"_

Katniss thought about what he was asking. She thought in depth about what he meant by 'Seize the Day'. She may only have today, to show him how she actually felt. The New Year would begin in less than an hour. Taking a deep breath Katniss took the pen from him and wrote. She handed the pad and pen to him when she was done.

Peeta read her hastily written note: _"Peeta I'll allow it."_

PART SIX

His smile was instantaneous. Peeta immediately wrote a response. Peeta handed back the pad and pen to Katniss.

Katniss Read: _"Real or not real that day, in your room, you were staring at me?"_

Taking a deep breath Katniss did not want to answer but she knew she had committed to telling Peeta what had happened. Katniss began to write, crossed it out and then wrote what she felt was appropriate.

Peeta read what Katniss handed him. _"_ _I was_ _-_ _your eyelashes_ _-REAL."_

Katniss could see the question forming on his brow as he read what she wrote. Peeta looked up to her. His blue eyes were twinkling with life, warmth and inquisitiveness as he wrote. She took the pad and read what he wrote. _"Katniss, What do you mean by my eyelashes? Did I have something on them?"_

Katniss became exasperated by his note. She narrowed her grey eyes at him. Of all the things she wrote, of course he would ask why she was staring at his eyelashes. That day it wasn't just his lashes she was staring at. But she was not ready to tell him that she had been noticing all of him. His shoulders, arms, hands, and the way his mouth crinkled up when he smiled. The fact that she did not mind that he made noise in the forest, because it meant he was alive. Sharply, she wrote her response then roughly gave the pad to him.

 _"Peeta, do you really need to know this?"_ Peeta raised an eyebrow at her response. Then he smiled lightly as he wrote. Katniss watched that crinkle form. She wanted to reach over and kiss him senseless. She was snapped from her little daydream as he pushed the note pad in her hand.

 _"Katniss: Yes I do. I am trying to remember, why you would stare at me? Were you angry at me? Did I do something wrong? Why my eyelashes? Did I have something on my eye lashes?"_

Katniss looked at him as she finished reading. He looked so lost like a puppy. His face was slightly red, his hair was curled in the front and back and it stuck out everywhere. Katniss quickly began to write.

 _"You didn't have anything on your lashes. And no Peeta I was not mad at you! You were just so"_ Katniss paused her writing. She wanted to write handsome. Peeta was very attractive and good-looking. She blushed, not knowing how she could say this to him.

Peeta, who was looking over her shoulder gently took the pad from her hands and wrote _"Katniss?"_

Katniss knew before, she would not have been thinking of things like this. However they were living in a new world. She was coming to see that. Taking a deep breath she wrote quickly and sloppily _"I was looking at your eyelashes, and I liked them."_ She thrust the yellow note pad at him.

Peeta frowned. Katniss knew he could barely make out what she wrote. He gave her back the pad and wrote. _"What?"_

Swallowing Katniss used all the control in her power to write her confession with neat concise strokes. _"Peeta, I like your eyelashes. I like your shoulders, your arms and hands. That day I was staring at you I couldn't help myself because I was falling in love with you. I am in love with you."_

PART SEVEN

Peeta blushed. Those words written by CS Lewis came back to him. If he had not taken a chance, he would be going mad with trying to get Katniss to speak to him. He took a chance and it had worked out. Now he had to Carpe Diem. Peeta leaned in slowly. Somewhere a clock rang. The New Year was beginning. He grinned and he could see the way her eyes lit up right before he kissed her.

Her lips were warm, soft and ready for his. Katniss's wound her arms around his neck. He could hear a small groan escape her mouth as she latched on to his bottom lip and sucked on it. Peeta recalled this was the way he liked to be kissed. Her tongue swept the seam of his lips seeking entrance. Peeta pulled back to look at her.

His heart raced. He cupped her chin with his hands. Then he heard the words that she wrote slip out of her mouth.

"I love you Peeta."

Peeta swallowed then he brilliantly smiled the way his former self would have. He could see the way his smile affected her. Tears ran down her face.

"I love you Peeta." Katniss confessed as the clock struck twelve.

"Happy New Year's Katniss" Peeta sad right before their opened mouths met. Peeta was glad he took a chance and seized the day.


End file.
